I struggle with pranayama. I have struggled with pranayama for many years. I have learned different pranayama techniques over the years which are done in different positions: supine, setting up right and digital. I also know that the effects of pranayama comes when the student is ready. Abhijata once said, and I paraphrase: We, (teachers) can’t make you feel, cannot give you the sensitivity, we can only give instruction, you find the feel, you become aware of the sensitivity.
There is a side of me that loves natural grown long finger nails. In my formative years when I was developing and creating the “I” self of me, I prized my-self for growing extremely long perfectly polished fingernails in the color of “Red Door Red”.
When practicing digital pranayama, the finger nails have to be short.
I do not have the leisure time now to grow my nails to the extreme length that I love, and at the same time it does not eliminate the desire to grow them long. Some times I give in to my desire and grow them long and polish them black.
Over the years of placing my fingers on the nose for digital pranayama I sense the sharpeners my nails. Yes, I would cut or file my nails where they were on the edge of a questionable length for digital pranayama. But during my practice I always felt my nails pressing-in, and I also heard the voice of my “super-ego whispering.
At what point does sensitivity cause change?
Nothing was new in my digital fingernails, but this time I became aware how I was blocking a deeper state of sensitivity. For a few seconds I touched a placed I had never experience in pranayama, and I knew that the length of my nails was keeping me away from that.
I went home and filed my nails.